dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
