So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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