is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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