did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
