All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
