i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
