I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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