I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
