Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
