I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
