oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
