thus making me awesome and them whores
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
