When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
