Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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