Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
