I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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