just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
