Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
