New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
