We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I would fuck him just for his dog
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
