hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
