If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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