i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
