Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
