Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
