That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
