When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
