Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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