my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
