Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
