What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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