the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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