are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Someone signed my nipple.
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