capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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