I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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