Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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