3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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