I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
