I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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