then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
