You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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