Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
