I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
