I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
