first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Randomize
