Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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