She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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