you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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