When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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