the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The uberlube is also flammable
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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